


Michael's Reality

by ayperos5239



Category: Agents of Cracked
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 02:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2049351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayperos5239/pseuds/ayperos5239
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael isn't as retarded as everyone thinks he is, and the only person to see that is Daniel. What happens after the hot air balloon? What could possibly go wrong now? This is an Agents of Cracked Fanfic. Hope you enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here we are...all dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Agents of Cracked belongs to Cracked.com. not me...never me.

“He's not an idiot.” Daniel shouted, slamming his hands down on the desk for emphasis. “Or retarded, for that matter.” 

“Aww Dan, thank you.” Michael sounded truly happy at Dan's out burst. 

“He's a retarded demi god.” The chief shouted. “You have to accept that fact.” 

“Well...what about, you know...that thing he did with those lawyers? He's obviously smarter than anyone gives him credit for. He was a judge once, for the love of god.” Daniel hissed, grabbing a tissue for his bleeding nose. 

“Just trust us on this. He's a retarded demi-god and that's that. Deal with it and let's move on.” Sarge announced, glaring daggers at Daniel. 

“He's your son...”

“And that's how I know he's retarded. Trust me. You've been with him for three years, nothing he does is normal.” The chief's voice raised as he leaned forward. 

“It doesn't have to be.” Dan announced softly, falling into his seat with resignation. No one's opinion of Michael was bound to change any time soon. “And besides, wasn't it you who said that Michael hid the secrets of the universe in his articles?”

“It was an idiotic mistake on his part. It's not like he knew what he was writing half the time.” Sarge rubbed his good eye in irritation at the questioning. 

“Whatever.” Daniel sounded absolutely crushed. “So you invented cloning? And my job was completely meaningless and...” Here Dan looked at Michael. “And B-tone's a robot?”

“We don't have time for all this so which question do you want answered?” The chief asked, obviously fed up with the revelations.

“I...guess...yeah... the robot thing.”

“Yes, B-tone's a robot, T-bone too. They were both created to oversee cracked and broked operations from within.” Sarge answered.

“But once the chiefs found out that Michael was accidentally hiding the secrets of the universe in his articles, they hacked into B-tone and reprogrammed him for destruction. Got it?” The chief concluded with annoyance. 

At that moment B-tone threw open the door and aimed his gun. “Did someone say extermination?”

“No!” Dan taunted, a smile on his face. “What? They forget to program you for hearing.” 

There was a loud bang as B-tone fired his gun, hitting Daniel in the neck and for a split second Dan was petrified, but happy that his final words were something witty and comical. Who would have thought that would have been one of his concerns?

“What...what did you do?” 

Dan could hear Michael talking, but his world was slowly going black. All he saw were fuzzy images and before he knew it, he'd hit the ground with a thud as blood pooled into his mouth, dripping down the side of his lips. 

“What I was programmed for. Don't you listen?” B-tone taunted, going to reload his gun.

Michael wasn't listening though. He'd already turned around and fallen to his knees before Daniel, holding pressure to the gaping wound on the shorter man's neck. 

Dan's mouth opened and closed as he tried to talk but Michael hushed him, trying to calm him down. The more frantic Dan was, the worse he would bleed and the sooner he'd be taken away from Michael.

“It's okay Dan.” Michael soothed, wiping Dan's mouth with his free hand. “You're okay.” 

“He'll die soon.” B-tone taunted once more, aiming the loaded gun towards Michael. “But don't worry, you'll follow soon enough.” 

“Are you fucking KIDDING ME with the eye patch?” Sarge screamed, standing and facing B-tone. 

Michael's heart broke as he heard Sarge degrading the robot for a fucking eye patch while his Dan was bleeding to death on the fucking floor. This wasn't fair. 

“M-M...” Daniel began, only for Michael to shake his head and lean down closer, noses touching. 

“Don't talk. Please.” Michael begged as a glow of light surrounded him. “I'll fix this.”

“Sarge, we have to leave, NOW!” The chief demanded, grabbing for Sarge and vanishing. 

Michael continued to glow, until the light became unbearable before exploding, shorting out B-tone, healing Daniel and shattering the window in a fiery explosion. “I won't lose you.” 

XXX

It was the next day when Michael and Daniel walked into the office, albeit unwillingly, and faced Sarge and the chief. Michael was standing a bit closer to Daniel than he had ever willingly done so, but no one seemed to be paying that much mind. 

Daniel, for his part, remembered absolutely nothing from before B-tone threw open the door, which was something Michael had assured. Daniel didn't need to remember dying...because he had died. Michael had had to expend quite a bit of energy to bring him back and no one, especially not Daniel, needed to remember how it felt to die. 

“Well, here we are...all dead.” Michael said, with an odd little smile tugging at his lips.

“No, no, no, no. No, no no no. Not dead. That was just a photo shop. We are, clearly not dead.” Daniel corrected, arms flailing about a bit. 

“Yes, you are.” Sarge iterated with conviction.

“See?” 

“You are just going to confuse him. Help me out a little bit.” Daniel sounded desperate.

“As far as anyone else knows, you're dead. That's what the order's been told, that's what I've programmed into B-tone's memory chip, and that's what's been printed in the company news letter. There's no going back now.” Sarge corrected.

“Which means you two will have to disappear.” The chief said, pointing a finger towards the two. “I might not see you for a while son.”

“Hey Dan, I think he's talking to you man.” Michael looked over at Dan who shook his head fondly.

“No, he's not.”

 

“He's not gonna last a week.” Sarge said, tilting his head to get a better view of the chief.

“Of course I will. If I've followed the events correctly, I think I might be some kind of magic.” 

“Hey, yeah, that right. That's good Michael.” Daniel praised, which caused Michael to beam happily. 

“Yay.” Michael sounded way too childish at that moment.

“OUT!” The chief commanded, which caused the two to scurry out quickly.

Michael followed Daniel at a close pace all the way towards his desk and watched as Dan slowly started packing up his belongings. Not wanting to face the reality of what that meant, Michael began rambling. 

“Well what now partner? We could get hotdogs at that place by the pier. HUH strip club? OH! We should go back to my place I'll toss some dogs in a pot and get the missus t-”

“Hey Michael...buddy...uh...I don't have a job here anymore. And I don't want to say I'm free, cause that would be insulting to you, but that's kinda the vibe...I'm leaving.”

“What?” Michael asked, unbelieving as he removed his goggles to get a better look at Dan. “To go where? The east coast? To do what? Sell scrimshaw scenes of the civil war to passing cattle men? Get married to a soap sculpture and die of heart stop?” 

“The first part?” Daniel began, getting Michael's attention. “Very much so, I'm going back to the east coast. But the rest? That's all just little Michael things that I'll miss.” 

Daniel grabbed his belongings, and after a failed whinny, turned and walked away. Michael couldn't believe that after having saved this man's life, he was still in just as much danger of losing him. 

“You'll be sorry you know.” Michael said, voice raising as he spoke. “I won't last a week.”

XXX

“Seriously?” Daniel asked, looking at the clearly photo-shopped picture being presented to him. “You're not dead. I'm pretty sure you can't die. I don't even know how I'm still alive.”

“Technically...” Michael tried, but he was continually interrupted by the other. 

“And my keen editorial senses are telling me that that is probably a photo-shop, cause you're holding it right now and I'm looking at you...”

“But that's what would happen if you left, Dan. I'd miss you a lot and then I'd die. Is that what you want?” Dan shook his head. “Also I think I'm wanted for animal rape in a bunch of counties now.” 

“Why do you do that?” Dan asked suddenly, grabbing the photo and ripping it in half. 

“What?” Michael asked, looking truly perplexed. 

“Act like this” Dan flailed his hands indicating Michael's whole body. “when I know you're capable of so much more.”

“This is who I am, Dan...it's who I've always been.” Michael sounded dejected as he spoke. “I don't know anything else. I get bored easily and the amount of drugs I've done can't have helped.” 

Daniel nodded but sighed. Michael had a point. “Did you really fuck animals?”

“No...yes...I honestly don't know.”

“Oh...okay.” Dan sighed. “My mind's made up buddy...I'm going to go.” 

Michael sighed loudly. “I guess this is it then.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.” 

“Partners?” He extended a hand and Daniel begrudgingly took it, robot sounds and all.

Michael swore he heard his heart shatter into a million pieces as he watched Daniel walk away.

XXX

“Hey Dan?” Michael asked, turning to face his partner. “Do you think if I spit from up here it would kill a little kid, you know 8-12...that range?”

“I don't know...maybe!” Daniel answered, watching Michael spit off the side of the hot air balloon. 

“No, it just pissed him off.” He announced, flipping off the little kid who was probably shouting at them from the ground. 

“You know, you'll have to sleep in a grain silo. That's where we all sleep back east.” 

“That's fine, me and grain are cool now.” 

“And how are you at humping holes in the ground?” Dan asked, trying to catch Mike off guard. How he thought he could was beyond him. Temporary insanity probably.

“Surprisingly professional. Thank you” Michael said, way too enthusiastically. “for letting me come along Daniel.”

“I uh...” Dan struggled with his words for a bit, not knowing what to say. “I knew it was bad for me, but I just couldn't help myself...I feel like the first act of a lifetime movie.” 

Michael looked at Dan and he knew he wouldn't be able to let the shorter man go. He'd brought him back to life, he'd be damned if he let him walk away now. He wasn't particularly good at monogamy, but if that's what Dan wanted, Michael would try. He would surely and completely try. Anything for Dan. Everything for Dan.

Before he could think too much more – that was usually a bad idea – he licked his lips. “Hey Dan!” He said, catching Dan's attention.

Dan, for his part, couldn't have possibly seen it coming, as Michael fell forward and began awkwardly kissing him. It was tentative, rough and angry, like any minute now all this was just going to up and disappear. Or that's how Dan analyzed it anyway. 

Dan pushed Mike away and before he could stop himself, he'd raised his hand and slapped the taller man across the face.

Mike looked hurt as he held his cheek in pain. He knew this may have been a bad idea, but he couldn't stop himself from loving Dan...it was impossible.

“MICHAEL!” Daniel yelled, looking annoyed. “WHAT...took you so long?” 

Michael smiled brightly before leaning in once more, rubbing his hand over Dan's head and sloppily making out. He was too happy to care about anything besides the feel of Dan's mouth under his. It was the best day of his entire life. 

Hopefully things would get better from here on out.


	2. Chapter 2

“I was scared, you know.” Daniel said one morning at breakfast. 

They'd managed to find a small little one bedroom apartment to rent with what was left of their savings – having asked Sarge to clean out their accounts – and not long after they'd both managed to secure a job. Dan now worked at the bank and Michael, surprisingly, had managed a security job. It helped that he worked graveyard so that meant he could wake up when he felt like it and still manage to make it to work on time. It was semi win-win.

“What?” Mike asked, looking up from his bowl happily. “What could possibly scare you? You know, besides guns and spiders and you know...women...” 

Daniel rolled his eyes and swallowed his bite of food before answering. “Five months ago, when we got together...I was petrified...still am, but I'm getting over myself.” 

Michael shook his head and pushed his bowl away. There were times Michael could be lucid enough to carry on a decent conversation and this seemed to be a time when that was necessary.

“Why are you scared?” He asked, tilting his head in curiosity, removing his sun glasses to get a better look at Daniel. 

“Oh, good. Lucid moment.” Dan smiled. “I'm scared you'll up and leave. You've never been one for sitting put with one person and it's not like I'm special or anything.”

“But you are special.” Michael argued.

“No, Mike, I'm not.” Dan shook his head sadly, suddenly having lost his appetite. “I'm just me. Socially awkward, unable to stop sweating, asthma ridden Dan and you're...you. You're Michael and you could have anyone and apparently anything you want. I'm nothing in comparison to that.” 

“Dan!” Mike began, trying to catch Dan's eyes. “You died.”

“Lucidity over then.” Dan chuckled mirthlessly and moved to wash his bowl.

“No Dan, listen to me.” Mike begged, reaching over and grabbing Dan's arm, tugging him back into his chair. “You did die. I watched B-tone walk through that door and shoot you in the throat and to this day I don't know what killed you. I don't know if it was the blood loss or you choking on your own blood...either way I watched you fade away.”

Dan looked at Mike wide eyed and terrified. Had he really died? If he'd died...how was he alive? How was any of this even possible? Had Mike brought him back? 

“I brought you back though...” That answered that question. “I don't know what I'd done to bring you back...I just knew I had to bring you back. I knew I had to keep you. I couldn't lose you...still can't.” 

“What are you saying?” Dan asked, eyes narrow.

“I'm saying...if there's anyone who could make me monogamous...it's you.” 

Dan's smile could light up the world, Michael was sure of it and if he'd had doubts about this single person thing, he didn't have them any longer. If he could make Dan smile like that, then it was all worth it in the end. 

“Put on some coffee, I have an idea.” Mike said, smile brightening as he stood and walked from the room.

“Lucid moment over then I take it?” Dan called after Mike as he grabbed for the chocolate milk and vodka.

“What?” Mike yelled back, not knowing what Dan was talking about.

“Nothing. So what's your idea?” 

“What idea?” Mike asked, taking off his pants and sitting at the computer. 

“Do you still want the coffee?”

“Always.” Mike smiled as he switched on the monitor and waited. It usually took a while for the monitor to power on and that always made Mike so bored and so instead of waiting patiently, he stood up and walked over to Dan, who was still in the kitchen, washing up the breakfast dishes and carefully keeping an eye on the coffee heating away on the stove.

Walking over behind him, he grabbed Dan by the waist and kissed his neck fondly. “I'm bored.”

“I see that.” Dan smiled, finishing up the dishes and turning around. “What do you want to do?” 

“Well...it's Friday night...so we're going to the bar.” Mike said, making to turn and leave, only for Dan to grab his hand and stop him before he could leave.

“Two things wrong with that. One, it's seven in the morning on a Wednesday and two, you work Friday nights.” Dan listed, watching Mike's face fall. 

“Look.” Dan continued with a small smile. “You just got home an hour ago. How about you have some coffee and go get some sleep and I'll wake you after I get home and we can discuss a Saturday night outing?”

“I hate you. You're making me responsible. Next you'll be telling me that I can't do anymore drugs.” Mike pouted, working his hand out of Dan's hold and grabbing a cup of coffee, placing the rest back on the stove for later consumption. 

“Well, your job does look pretty unfavorably on that but no. That's all you.” 

Mike took a sip of his coffee and immediately relaxed, letting the warmed liquid ease away his daily troubles. He was tired. He'd just gotten off an eleven hour shift and though his job wasn't very demanding, and he was quite good at scaring away anyone who posed a threat, it was taxing. All that walking, and so with a yawn, he made his way to their bedroom, leaving Dan in the kitchen to finish his clean up.

Dan took a deep breath, shut off the stove and went to ready himself for his job at the bank. He was in for a long shift. Rachel had just recently quit, something about too many robberies or something, and that left Dan and Julie to split the extra shift, until they found someone to take over, and who knew when that would be. 

Straightening his tie and making sure his clothes were neat and tidy, he tied his shoes, placed a small kiss to Michael's sleeping face, and walked from the apartment, making sure to lock the door on his way out. 

Not knowing how to drive – thanks to the chief erasing his memory of it – Dan had to find other means of getting around until he managed to learn it again. That was, actually, the reason why he'd chosen a bank so close to where they lived. This way he could just walk to work and save himself the hassle. If only he'd chosen to take the bus that day.

XXX

Mike woke up groggily and looked at the time. Five in the afternoon. He'd have to go to work in four and a half hours and Dan should have been home by then. Hadn't he promised to wake him when he'd gotten home? 

Well... Michael thought. Maybe he's making dinner. He knows how much I love dinner. I hope we're having pizza...or those chili dogs from the pier that we both really liked.

Mike got out of bed and stretched before making his way around the apartment. The lights were all turned out. Even the monitor he'd turned on that morning was black, with a small flashing blue light indicating the computer was asleep. 

Mike frowned as he turned on light after light, looking in their small little apartment for any indication that Dan had been anywhere around. He looked in the bathroom, nothing. The living room? Nothing. The pantry? Nothing. Dan hadn't come home.

Frantically, his mind tried to become lucid enough to remember Dan's number and before he could stop himself, he was reaching towards his phone with shaking hands and dialing the familiar number. 

Ring

Ring

Ring

Hello, you've reached Daniel O'Brian. I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now but please leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

BEEP

“Dan, buddy. You still at work? That's fine, I'll bust you out soon enough. I'm getting the shotgun and the crossbow and I'll meet you at work in five. I can drive you know.” 

Mike was trying so hard to keep the shaking out of his voice. It wasn't like Dan to take extra hours without letting him know. He'd have called. Dan always called. He would have called damn it.

“See you soon.” He hung up the phone and placed it in his back pocket before a thought popped into his head and he reached for the phone again.

Dialing the number he waited until.

“What part of disappear do you not understand?” came the voice and normally Mike would have been scared but this time was different. This time Dan needed him at his best and damned if he wasn't going to give his best.

“I know you know how to do it.” Mike started, confusing the hell out of the chief in the process.

“Do what?” The chief asked, baffled.

“I know you know what I'm talking about chief. I need to be normal...boring. I need to be able to think straight...and I know you know how to do it.” Mike said once more, biting his nail.

“Michael, there's nothing I can do.”

“BULLSHIT.” Mike yelled, squeezing the phone so hard he almost broke it. “You can do anything and you're telling me there's nothing you can do to help me focus?”

“You're focusing now. This is the longest proper conversation we've had.” 

“Stop exaggerating.” Mike demanded, slamming his hand into the table. “Dan's in trouble.” 

“And you know this how?” the chief demanded, obviously annoyed.

“He didn't come home.” 

“Maybe he's finally had enough of you. Did you ever consider that?”

Mike snorted. Of course Dan hadn't had enough of him. No one could get enough of Michael. “Dad...this is serious.” 

“There's nothing I can do. You have an imbalance of something, or an over balance of magic. Either way, I'm not the one who can help you.”

Mike hung up the phone and looked at it closely before tossing it on the table. Who had he been talking to? And where was Dan?

Probably making dinner. 

Ring

Ring

Ring

His phone was ringing. With a shrug he answered it.

“This better be Dan.” Mike answered with a smile.

“It is.” Dan said on the other end. His voice sounded strained.

“What's up?” Mike wasn't completely ignorant. He knew something was wrong.

“Mike...I love you.”

Those words made Mike's mind focus immediately. Dan had never said that. Never even thought it before. 

“Dan, where are you?” Mike asked, frantically.

“Mike, I love you.” Dan repeated.

“That's not what we told you to say.” Came a vaguely familiar voice. “Read what we've written down.” 

“Mike...” Dan began again, taking a deep breath. “I love you.” 

The sound of the gunshot was deafening in Mike's ear and the phone fell from his limp hands as the reality of what he'd heard settled in. Daniel was dead...again.

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted another Agents of Cracked fic for quite a while and since no one was writing them, I decided to take matters into my own hands. It's odd...and a bit different, but I hope you enjoy. :D


End file.
